The Middle: Havoc and Holy Moments

This is published over on my Substack … but it’s too important not to post here as well. Click here if you’d like to follow me over on Substack.

I knew about it... but hadn’t really experienced it, yet. But found myself smack dab in the middle of it yesterday.

The sandwich generation.

Caring for parents due to need - while caring for kids by choice.

Sure, my parents are older, but independent - up until 3 weeks ago.

And my kids, are starting their families and have great significant others and wonderful careers - and don’t NEED my help but they are a priority to me. So when the two worlds collide, like they did yesterday as I was helping with care for my parents and my daughter texted she was in labor, choices are made.

Here is what I’ve learned as a wife, mother, daughter and business owner in the last crazy few weeks, that can be taken into any HIGH STRESS, fast moving, decision changing circumstances...

1. First question - WHAT MATTERS MOST?

Not everything can be a priority - and you must remember YOUR health trumps everything. I spent Saturday in bed, fully sick, because I had let the stress break me down.

Priorities you thought were at the top can be shifted to the bottom and remember, this isn’t forever.

2. Let things be “good enough”.

I know - super hard for us highly-driven entrepreneurial women - but emails can wait, dinner can be doordash, the business project you were going to do Monday isn’t really a make or break, and sometimes swimming laps in the pool is the most important task of the day.

3. Strategic YESes. Abundant Nos.

I’ve preached this for years and never has it been more important for me than in this moment. Put your oxygen mask....everyone will understand. (And if they don’t, they weren’t meant to be in your community anyway.)

4. Stop being the entire support system.

After you put your oxygen mask on, ask for help!

Accept the meal.

Hire the caregiver, the driver, the whatever else you can.

Delegate and/or pause things in your business - your clients and customers will understand.

Tap your community and it’s resources. It’s amazing in the moment of chaos how we can forget all the is available to us IF WE JUST ASK.

Allow those close to you, in. Yes, I could do it all. But my husband Mark and inner circle have been my foundation. They love me deeply and can see what I can’t in the moments of panic.

5. Give yourself permission to be present for the holy moments.

There will always be emails to answer, follow up calls to be made and another email newsletter to be sent... but there are some moments you will never get back.

The holy moments of ... sleeping with your mom so dad can sleep and you can answer her questions and get the medications, or holding your new grandbaby who is only 5 hours old, or taking a break to attend an important family event with your husband and his family ... those holy moments matter.

Sometimes we must pause - while the world spins around us - so that we can recognize the sacred while we are standing in the storm.

Maybe the real lesson of the sandwich generation is we’re not being pulled between two generations - we’re standing between them. We get to witness beginnings and endings, joy and grief - sometimes in the same day. Albeit painful and stressful - but beautiful too.

God knows we can’t balance it all perfectly. But He never asked us to. And He will never give us more than we can handle - even though sometimes it feels that way.

You know I truly humbly believe God has a calling on each one of our lives. But there are also seasons and assignments in the calling. I’ve screamed out to Jesus more than a few times in the last 3 weeks, listened for guidance from the Holy Spirit in the quiet moments and questioned God’s timing on all of it. So I will keep asking, seeking and knocking - and doing what I believe is the next right assignment in the moment. But really, that is all I/we can do anyway.