The Self-Care We Overlook: What‘s love got to do with it?
Summer is here. The season of rest, vacations, and long, lazy days—or at least that’s the promise.
But for many of us, especially women, summer brings a different reality. Instead of slowing down, life seems to shift into a new kind of busy. It’s not less. It’s often more. Coordinating family plans, juggling different routines, and managing expectations that somehow multiply with the warmer weather, it’s all there.
While the world talks about taking a break, many of us are working harder than ever behind the scenes.
When the question of self-care arises, it often feels like just one more thing we’re supposed to do.
We’re excellent at taking care of others. But when it comes to us, we hesitate. We stall. Sometimes, we even feel guilty.
That raises a worthy question: Why is self-care so difficult?
Seeing Self-Care as Self-Love in Action
The challenge isn’t time. Or money. It’s not about any resource.
The deeper challenge is about a relationship, specifically, the relationship we have with ourselves.
Think about the people you love. You go out of your way to care for them, not because you’re obligated, but because you cherish them. Love inspires action. It moves us toward nurturing, protecting, tending.
Yet when it comes to ourselves, we often withhold that same instinct.
Why?
Quite possibly, it is because we’ve been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves last is virtuous. That self-sacrifice is noble. But the truth is, self-care is how we honor the life we’ve been given.
It’s not about indulgence. It’s about stewardship.
The longest relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. The way you care for yourself—body, mind, and spirit—shapes how you experience every other relationship, every role, every opportunity.
So why not approach self-care through a lens you already understand?
The Love Languages: A Familiar Framework with a Twist
Many of us are familiar with Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, a concept that reveals how we receive and express love. For some, it’s words of affirmation. For others, it’s acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
We often think about these languages in the context of romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.
But here’s a question we rarely ask:
What is your love language—for yourself?
If you’ve ever taken a love languages quiz, you know how insightful it can be. Understanding how you feel loved can transform how you connect with others.
The same principle applies inward.
When we align our self-care practices with our natural “love language,” they stop feeling like chores and become a familiar, intuitive way of cherishing ourselves.
Let’s explore what that might look like.
The Five Love Languages of Self-Care
Here’s how each love language might translate into self-care—small, meaningful ways to nurture the relationship you have with yourself.
Words of Affirmation
If kind words make you feel seen and valued, start with how you speak to yourself.
Write affirmations that resonate with you.
· Replace negative self-talk with positive encouragement.
· Journal reflections that recognize your efforts and growth.
Even a simple whispered, “You’re doing well” in the mirror can be powerful.
Acts of Service
If actions speak louder than words, self-care might look like:
· Preparing healthy meals in advance as a gift to your future self.
· Organizing your space to create calm and clarity.
· Booking the doctor’s appointment you’ve been avoiding.
These are not obligations. They are acts of love.
Receiving Gifts
If thoughtful gifts make you feel appreciated, consider:
· Treating yourself to fresh flowers, a new book, or cozy slippers.
· Investing in tools or resources that support your well-being.
· Creating small “just because” moments of delight, for no other reason than you deserve them.
It’s not about extravagance, it’s about intentionality.
Quality Time
If you value undivided attention, your self-care might involve:
· Setting aside quiet time for yourself, free from distractions.
· Enjoying a hobby, simply because it brings you joy.
· Taking a walk without multitasking or scrolling.
Presence with yourself is a profound form of self-love.
Physical Touch
If touch is your primary love language, self-care could include:
· Movement that feels good: stretching, dancing, yoga.
· Pampering routines like a warm bath, skincare rituals, or a massage.
· Simply resting in comfort—curling up with a blanket, feeling the sun on your face.
Caring for your body is a way of saying, “You matter.”
From Criticizing to Cherishing: A Relationship Shift
When we shift from criticizing ourselves for needing care to cherishing ourselves enough to provide it, everything changes.
Self-care stops being an obligation. It becomes an expression of love.
So, I invite you to reflect:
What makes me feel most cared for by others?
How can I offer that same care to myself, in small, meaningful ways?
You don’t need to overhaul your life.
Start with one gesture. One moment. One choice.
Because when you align self-care with your self-love language, it becomes less about checking a box and more about staying connected to yourself.
This Summer’s Self-Love Challenge
Let’s make this simple.
Complete this sentence:
“This summer, I will love myself well by…”
Fill in the blank with something that speaks your love language.
ü Maybe it’s a walk on the beach.
ü Maybe it’s turning off your phone for an hour.
ü Maybe it’s leaving yourself a kind note.
ü Maybe it’s a yoga class.
ü Maybe it’s signing up for a pottery class or getting a new plant.
Let your answer be simple. Personal. Doable.
Whatever it is, let it be a small, intentional act of cherishing.
Then build from there.
Because every act of self-care, no matter how small, is a declaration of self-love.
And that’s where it all begins.
It’s how we honor the relationship we’ll carry for a lifetime:
The one we have with ourselves.
